6 Easiest Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem And Be Confident
- Stop comparing yourself to other people; instead, compare yourself to what you know you can be. I kind of have this idealized version of myself in the future of what I want to be. How will I behave? How will I present myself? How will I fill my time? A key word here is “present” and not “how will I look to other people?” Because you can never change the way your bone structure is or what your eye color is to be like someone else. What you do have control over is how you put yourself together—hygiene, exercise, language, clothes. Figure out your ideal self and make little changes to eventually become that person.
- Delete Instagram. Or at the very least move the icon to the last page of apps on your phone. A lot of my friends recently deleted the app but occasionally check the website version. Just make it less accessible. This is huge for not comparing yourself to other people. I have personally known a few Instagram famous girls and they are almost nothing like their pages. Their lives are just as messy and stressful as ours. They are literally just better and figuring out color schemes for pictures—that’s it.
- Work on big career and life goals, but also find miniature goals you can complete to make you feel awesome. These can be big or small. Maybe you want to learn how to make curry from scratch so you look up some recipes and buy all the spices. Maybe you want to go to the gym three times a week. Maybe you want to get better at your art or your instrument (if you have these). Maybe you want to read one book a month so you read a bit some nights rather than TV.
- Focus on bettering your view of your self rather than other peoples view of yourself. We have zero control over the way other people perceive us. The harder you work to make yourself look cooler or more interesting to a date, the worse you look because people can almost always tell when someone is trying too hard. You absolutely have control over the way you live your life. Live each day in a way you are personally proud of and then you will naturally look cooler and more interesting to other people.
- People are extremely self-absorbed. This gives you an incredible freedom: people most of the time don’t care what you are doing. While you might scrutinize every tiny aspect of your behavior and outfit, other people usually simply don’t care about the details. What does this mean? It means you can live your life, however, the eff you want. While it feels to you like people are judging, usually they aren’t. And even If they are, they will forget judgement quickly unless you were super mean or inconvenienced them in some extreme way.
- This is maybe the most important and probably the hardest: be nice to yourself. People with high self-esteem are friends with themselves. Change your inner dialogue to how you would treat a friend. When you mess up (which is inevitable) instead of thinking “oh wow you screwed up again you’ll never get this right god you suck at all of this!” change it to “damn it, babe, you kind of dropped the ball on that one. Next time we’ll make sure to do X instead.” Literally, give yourself hugs and say “I love myself even though I’m not perfect. I’m doing my best and I’m trying to do better.” If your best friend did something kind of shitty you wouldn’t freak out and call her every dirty word you can think of. You’d calmly tell her why her behaviors weren’t okay. Every time you look at your flaws in the mirror make sure to also notice the things that make you look great. For me, I hate my nose but my eyelashes are dope and my teeth are looking whiter now that I’m flossing more—so whenever I criticize my nose I try to immediately think “but it’s okay because I have other assets that make me look nice like my smile and my eyes”
People with high self-esteem aren’t prettier or more successful than you. (Some of the most insecure women I’ve ever met are model-gorgeous.) It’s called “self”-esteem for a reason. It’s all about your relationship with yourself.